I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
