My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
