I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This house was built for laser tag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
