is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
