So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
