I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
