I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
