addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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