Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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