i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
