ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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