I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
