What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
