oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
