Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
