so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
