I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
