trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
