He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
