did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
