Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will die if light touches me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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