it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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