Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
