You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
