I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
