i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
