My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
