he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
