we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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