I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
