she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
