I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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