Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
