he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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