: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
