Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
