i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
