Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
