I feel like I'm in dance class right now
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
