6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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