I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
