Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
