this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
