you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
