remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
