We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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