how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
