remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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