If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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