do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
