Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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